All of us are attention seekers, albeit to different extents .
The way we market ourselves , the way we speak, walk, the wardrobe we choose, the latest hairstyle that we try, infact many things we do in a social setup are all aimed at seeking attention , consciously or subconsciously, if not everyones , atleast the approval of a select few's . When we entertain a crowd , the chaos a gang of fun loving students create, when a singer performs on stage , when you complete a task and look at your friend or boss with meaningful eyes , expecting a pat for the job you did,the number of times you look at the mirror, the way you suddenly start talking in a loud or obvious manner in a group.... and the list goes on .... we never even realise that we require so much attention.
Now what i would like to explore is
1. why the need for attention
2. why some people crave for attention
THE NEED
Why should we get an approval from someone else about how we do a particular thing , when in the first place we like , or are comfortable with it ?
Maybe it is because we would like to dress according to their tastes and so have the sense of security that their approval and hence their support would lend. It is the need for social security.
This again arises because we have a sense of insecurity ourselves.We are all born with a little bit of this insecurity. Even a child throws tantrums to seek attention. Perhaps a little bit of this attention seeking is natural.Also associated with this is our lack of belief in the self . We dont believe that people would accept us the way we are , so an attempt to appease them. But why should we appease them ? Security again ... . Here again one may argue that there are a few who live life their way , least bothered about social norms... but dont you think that is another form of attention seeking ? the attention bestowed is negative , but it doesn't matter to them , they get talked about ;which might not have happened had they been an ordinary person.
CRAVING
In the above cases the person is satisfied when he gets the attention he seeks.
But there are a lot many people , who are never satisfied with all the attention that they get. They go out of the way to seek this attention and always feel dissatisfied , lonely and neglected.
perhaps this is the case with all of us for different reasons ...
how many times have we complained ... "that sir would never even look at our bench ", "that person would'nt even bother to talk to people like us " , " oh do you still remember me ? "
though what we felt would not have been the case.
This might perhaps be attributed to the mental attitude and the emotional background of the person. The person might not have found acceptance somwhere at some point in childhood , perhaps from a parent or a friend ...... and so feels that whatever he does he is stil not going to gain acceptance ( though this might not be the case with him now ) . thus they might be a nuisance to those around them , or in their quest , might exhibit negative behaviour such as pessimism , sarcasm , dominance , defensive , or possessiveness.
ILLUSION
My question is ,
how do we deal with such people .. and how do you help them overcome this ( if at all )...
open to all suggestions and criticisms
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
In his book, "Games people play", Eric Berne talks about the necessity that people have for recognition. Note the word necessity. It is not a desire, bur rather a need for recognition. He puts it on par with hunger and the sex drive. Infants without strokes from their mothers from time to time have been known to die, and this in effect, is our first, desperte attempt at recognition. In fact, one of the best ways of torture is to leave a man alone with no contact whatsoever with the rest of the world. Therefore, many of our rituals and ceremonies are based on the need for approval(or disapproval). Some people, who have only been neglected in their childhood, will grow up to possess any of the characteristics you mentioned above. But you have got to understand that it is part of their nature and it is almost impossible to help them "overcome" it, though psychiatry is an avenue. My question though is, what right do we have to deem some behaviour as "wrong"? Who are you to say that being sarcastic is a sin, or being optimistic is a virtue? Remember that the world is in its current fiscal fiasco because of the over-optimistic and greedy ones. And also please don't forget that it is always the attention seekers who are the ones who define fashion with their outrageous(at first) looks or clothes. So I would say that rather than look at them as a problem to be dealt with, look at them as people with a diverse outlook who can add a lot of vibrancy to our culture.
Exactly ... when attention seeking is used in a positive , way , there is nothing to complain. but the issue i have raised is when it becomes a nuisance . true sarcasm,dominance, possessiveness, etc are no sins,but sure are nuisance to others.it is of course their right to be so , but not so much that it would become a pain to others. am sure you wouldn't enjoy such company.
what i am trying to say is this ... that they are in search of something deep ..
they are not aware of ...but if you try to help them out , they would keep expecting more and more and would somehow never be satisfied because .. ?? now isn't that bad for them ?.. so how would you help them out .. i don't buy the theory that you can't help them .. maybe you can redirect their energies ... or hope that time will make them mature enough to understand that there are things far more worth than an illusion called attention ....
First of all, attention is not an illusion, as I pointed out in my first comment. It is the very fabric of our being. And next, it is very hard to point out the exact cause of some of the characteristics you mentioned above. It is really unrealistic to say that people who are possessive, dominant, pessimistic or sarcastic are so because only because they seek out attention. There might be umpteen number of reasons for the same, and also, if we were to send people with any one of those traits to psychiatrists, you would have half of India out there. So we have got to know where to draw the line.
you ,ve taken the assumption as the hypothesis ... wat i said was tht these ppl tend to exhibit such behaviour , which is not desirable, and not the other way around.
also attention , I call it an "illusion" because we tend to think that it is the purpose of the act and thus act to get attention instead of the attention being got for the act itself..
which again is falsehood...
Post a Comment